Mother's Remarks

Originally Posted October 16, 2022

I will forever be grateful for everyone who has been a part of Jacob’s story.  In the beginning, before we even met our precious boy, there were doctors and nurses and investigators.  In the hospital, there were volunteers who rocked and sang to him when he was newly blind and afraid.  Jacob had caseworkers and advocates and attorneys who worked so hard to make sure he had the best life possible.   We added in speech therapists, occupational therapists, physical therapists, vision therapists and teachers – all of whom were absolutely devoted to our precious boy.  The nurses in our home loved and cared for Jacob like he was one of their own children.  We had a whole team of doctors helping us keep Jacob as comfortable and healthy as possible for as long as possible.  At the end, when things were the most dark and difficult, we were blessed to have the Children’s palliative care team walking with us every step of the way.  I didn’t know I needed them, and I was sure I didn’t want them, but the critical care hospice nurses who stayed with us around the clock during his last five days were amazing.  They bravely walked right into the suffering and pain in our house, and they were so kind and full of quiet, unwavering faith.  We couldn’t have done it without them.

I know many people look at Jacob and only see tragedy – they are saddened and angered by the unfairness of his life.  But I assure you, when I look at my little boy, that is not what I see.

There is no denying that the sin and brokenness of a fallen world damaged Jacob’s physical body and limited his earthly achievements.  His spirit was untouched.  He was known and favored by his Savior.  God’s grace limited his own understanding of his condition.  Jacob was content with the joy and love he found in his own home with his own family.  He had no need for any of the things we often think are so important and worthy of our time and attention.  He was so brave, so strong, and so pure.  He was nothing but love.  We will take everything that comes now without regret, because loving Jacob, and calling him ours, was worth it all.  

We allowed the Lord to lead us down a path that we knew would wind through valleys of grief and despair.  And knowing us, we might actually do it again.  Because what I know to be true is that God’s provision for us has always been perfect.  He has never failed us.  What it looks like to the world is inconsequential – we have always been held.  God is sovereign.  Unwavering.  Unchanging.  Forever.

Charles Spurgeon wrote:   The Christian knows no change with regard to God.  I may be rich today and poor tomorrow; I may be sickly today and well tomorrow; I may be in happiness today, tomorrow I may be distressed – but there is no change with regard to my relationship with God.  If he loved me yesterday, he loves me today.  My unmoving mansion of rest is my blessed Lord.  Let prospects be blighted; let hopes be blasted; let joy be withered; let mildews destroy everything -- I have lost nothing of what I have in God.