Love Letter

Originally posted September 1, 2022 -

Today is picture day at your preschool.  The preschool you won't get the chance to attend.  I know you couldn't care less, but it almost broke this mama's heart.  We had hoped to be snapping pictures and celebrating the exciting milestone of beginning Pre-K.  

Instead, today is the day you begin hospice care.

We carefully printed the name Daddy and I chose for you on the papers outlining our wishes.  It was nothing but love that flowed through my pen as I signed.  It is strength and love making these decisions for you.  It's not weakness, or hopelessness or fear.  I think there are other mamas out there that need to know this.  It can be hard to tell dedicated doctors, who consider themselves your team, that they are hurting you more than helping.  That their rules and protocols and overwhelming desire to "fix" the problems are interfering with what you actually need.  

You, my darling boy, are an offering to Almighty God.  We are offering to stand aside and allow you to walk this sacred journey with your Savior -- and we will protect you from anyone who dares to get in the way.  You have all the time in the world, but you are free to take only the time you need.

Daddy and I will be right here, where we have always been.  Eli and Addy will be right here. You won't ever be searching for our voices or touch.  But buddy, you don't really need us.  You have always been in the shadow of His wings.  Tender mercies are so much a part of your story.  You are highly favored.

I know you are not afraid.  Mommy and Daddy are not afraid.  We are going to help Eli and Addison not be afraid.  We'll snuggle more.  Go for drives in the car.   Lay outside in the yard.  Maybe take another trip.  We'll play more music and worry less about schedules.  We will ask for help when we need it and tell the doctors no if that help isn't right for us.  We will do our very best to keep you comfortable.  And we'll do all of this while stepping over Duke, because no one would ever ask him to leave your side.

You are pure love.  Pure light.  Your presence in this world glorifies your Creator.  You are a beautiful testimony to the provision and goodness of a merciful and gracious God.  Walk your walk, sweet boy.  We'll be here loving you every step of the way.

Love, Mama